Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
Welcome to our Computer Show.
I'm Mars Argo.
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When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
