Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
i went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there, i still dont know who snitched...
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
