Violence jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.

1 like = 1 more child in my blender.

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”