Vegetarian jokes
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"
"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.