Vegan jokes

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.

Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.

Wanda: Ok, Timmy.

Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!

Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.

*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?

Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.

Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.

Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.

Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.

Pastor: You deserve to die.

- I attack

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

Maga shaman is a vegan, lmao!

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!