Vegan jokes
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Save the plants, eat a vegan.
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.