US jokes
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Q: Why do women only use their lefts?
A: Because they don't have any rights.
Why couldn't the orphan use his iPhone 6?
He couldn't find the home button.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
Memes
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
Yo mama is so fat we need to use yo papa!
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?
CHEESE-US!
What do stomata use to fill their pools?
Chlor-ine.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.