US jokes

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

Q: Why do women only use their lefts?

A: Because they don't have any rights.

I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.

What do ants use when they're stinky?

Deodorant.

"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."

Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?

'Cause they were using fowl language!

Gwen I set out some chats for us just got to pr!

Btw I can't chat because I lost my internet stuff, so I am using my school computer. I don't have long, but I will make sure to have some time 4 u.

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.

I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I'm in school lol.

Why couldn't the orphan use his iPhone 6?

He couldn't find the home button.

What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?

CHEESE-US!

What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?

He used a bus.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.

I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"

Josh: Cookies.

Jacob: My parents.

Erika: My Friends!

Brody: Lamborghinis.

Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)

My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!

*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....

Me: "What are you doing??"

Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

Me: "I don't know."

Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

Don't bully kids.

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.

Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______

New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."

Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.