Ups Jokes

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

when you loose a game of Kahoot so you kashoot up the school

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb

Of a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment....

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say "where are your parents?" the kid says "What are parents?

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand up.

So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu.. off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

A child with cancer: I want to be like you when I grow up. Doctor: Oh your not going to grow up.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! after all, they can't even stand up for themselves

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

Its the season of giving, So ill be giving up!

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

I wanted to solve Teen Suicide, so I shot up a Middle School.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?" The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore."