Ups jokes
What goes up but doesn't come down?
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
Are you the Twin Towers?
Because I want to smash you.
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.