Ups jokes
Asian conversation:
Person 1: Ni hao, how's it going?
Person 2: Konnichiwa, what's up?
Person 1: I've bing chilling.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Why did the influencer terrorist get arrested?
Because his TikTok blew up...
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.
I mean, he just blew up overnight!
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
Shut up with that Vegeta looking hairline!