Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom, she pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)". The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied:" In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Mother, father and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie. During dinner time: Father: Son what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: okay! okay! I watched porn dad. Dad: what? you watched porn? you are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 yrs of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said "sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
hehe
Imagine going up to a emo and saying your just like a spider your both good at hanging
A middle eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show, he starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night lol
I was siting in class when my theacher said have any questions the SUSpenDID Class clown said whos joe so teach said joe who so the clown said joe mama so i said what in the BALLS so i ended up stay in detention with the clown ah so cozy
Never give up cuz never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say good bye never gonna desert you
One time Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise. No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style. His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
If you hate pedophiles, grow up.
What were the astronauts' last word before the shuttle blew up? what does this button do....
a guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road and he smells fish and he says good morning ladies
Ceo intrupidore born in 1964 Jeffrey,Jeffrey bozos.repeat come on Jeffrey you can do it pave the way put your back in to it tell is why show is how look at where you came from look at you now. Zuckerberg and gates and Muke it the anchors can make and sick it up there wivs drink there blood come on jeff get I'm dododoodododod
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Jeff: *crosses the US border* The second he crosses into the USA: guy comes up with gun Jeff: that’s what I was expecting.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
This Category is messed up. My Mom died in 9/11 at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
Michael proveed anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black bo grow up to be a rich white woman?
Me=looks like a girl, sure as h3ll i don't sound like one Micheal Jackson=looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one that we have i commen, but if you mix up my gender i won't give a F about it Micheal Jackson not so much : )
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
