Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.
Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"
Juice WRLD died a legend. Making these jokes won't get you anywhere. Grow up.
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
Shup up, transparent hairline. Look like you got splashed by some clear soap.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
Shut your transparent hairline up.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
yo hairline is to pushed back looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith
