Ups jokes
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.
Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)
Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?
Because she had a make-up exam.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"