Ups jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. 👹