A twin engine has two engines. If one engine stops, the othe will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex
They become in-bread
Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin doin your mom doin doin your mom You know we straight with doin your mom Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin doin your mom doin doin your mom You know we straight with doin your mom I’m doin your mom. Yes yours! I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers. Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen But her ass was lookin good all up in those mom-jeans. I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup? She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin at her jugs. Five minutes later she agreed to get with me So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity. I was ridin your mom like she was Mario Kart. I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start. She invited me in the house, and we started makin out again. How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000! Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it. She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it. Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom. Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin your mom doin doin your mom Doin doin your mom doin doin your mom You know we straight with doin your mom
dad: hey son do you like Christmas? 12 year old me: yeah! dad: well how would you feel about two me: what?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
two indians went to a fine restaurant. They ordered parathas with curry. HAHAHAHAHA
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#WAKI
Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Why did the two balls cross the road? To get to the penis! Sorry, too rude?
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get a-head, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it's early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" *Lauren hears noise* Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: *laughs* Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother Mikey*
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
my brother and i were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf, my mom cam in and started asking who knocked it over, to which i replied that i only had my shelf to blame.
heya can i axe you a question?
my brother like to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. i said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with not going to stop who? i told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don't serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
My daughter came home from school later then usual I was panicking then at 5:30pm she arrived not walking but in a bus 🚌 I asked where the hell did this bus come from! She said the garage in the alleyway mama I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons you like her she is called belle bus. My face was just:😑 how did u get the bus here she reply’s with a whisper I drove her through five gardens a house and two police cars! 🙃 so that explains why you have handcuffs on “yeah!”
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run ??
Stephen hawkings
what did the kid say to the toilet?
did you order a number two because i got one ready for you
What is a vampire's favourite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favourite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom. One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says"You ok down there?" The other tourist says"Can't i just rest in peace?!"
