"Hey, man do you have any ben and jerry's?"
"yeah I have two of them fresh and preserved in the freezer"
"I meant the ice cream bro..."
What are two plus sides to being an orphan are? 1.All your snacks are family sized 2.no one can make jokes about your mama.
Priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube... priest asks what are you guys doing the boys answer the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on
Two Friends are in a hospital in the lobby, Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying. Friend 1 "*crying hysterically*" Friends 2 "why are you crying?" Friend 1 "I came here for a blood test" Friend 2 "So? are you afraid?" Friend 1 "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger." Friend 2 "*crying hysterically*" Friend 1 "why are you crying?" Friend 2 "I came here for a urine test."
Teacher: Okay class look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word. Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny" Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny? Me: Cuz she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
These two guys were txting each other.
Guy 1: How r u?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Pick up lines
One fish two fish three fish I’m breaking up with you bich Hey there little mister I’m dating your sister
what do u call a indian eating cows mooove two jail
Bro i saw two dudes kissing LOL but not regular kissing
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
When you name yourself twin towers and the terrorist in Kahoot. Twin towers are on fire The terrorist has a streak of two
a telescope has two uses: 1. to look in space 2. to see your hairline
one day in roblox someone was arguing with me and they asked me my age. 18. they said that they were twenty two. Me: if your so smart, whats the largest daycare game on roblox? Him:Yo Hair. he said. then he left the game. and a said that is so messed up. actually that bullcrap.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said,’ Hey man, boing, are you sentient too?’ The other one said, “I’m sapient, you are sentient!!” BOINGZINGA!!!?
