Twist jokes

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

What makes you think feminists can change anything?

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I have schizophrenia,

And so do I.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?

Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.

In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

Why did my boyfriend leave me?

Because he's gay.

But why did he come back to me?

Because I'm actually a guy :-)

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

Who make hard candy for the kids?

Solve.