Turn jokes

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Why is the sun red today?

The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.

How do rappers stay cool in the studio?

They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."

Quiz: Turn what for what?

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

Celebrate-By- watersharky Productions and Pitbull- Mr. Worldwide Let's celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. We've been around the world, same song. Work hard, play hard, all day long. All the continents get jealous over me. You can see me 3D overseas. If you know me then you know where to find me Off in the Bahamas with a bad one behind me. Now live it up, live it up, live it up Baby pick it up, pick it up, pick it up And we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up I've been patiently waiting for you to shake and shake it Make it or take it The point is we made it Courted by the game, call us Tom Brady And it's not our fault that we have all the ladies But it's hard to see these ladies when your middle name's Equator All around the globe, matter fact see your later They're great, we're great at world war, dominators And we're also some smooth operators, and we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom That's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up Live it up (Live it up), don't let life live you (Live you) It's a good time (Good time), so we give you (Give you) Now live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up What you wanna do? I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.