Transportation jokes

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.

Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. 😏

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.