Transportation jokes

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? Cause there were only 4 trucks.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Why did the frog take the bus to work?

His car got toad.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?

Malaysia Flight 370.

How do flat-earthers travel?

On a plane.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?

A dead cripple.

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

What is it called when you have four white people in the car?

Clear windows.