Transportation jokes

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.

What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?

A dead cripple.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Why did the kid cross the road?

He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

What takes 10 parking spaces? Five women.

Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?

Exactly, cuz she's a woman.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"

Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..

Hot Wheels.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!