Worst Jokes Ever
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!
Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.
What is black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
Three zebras fighting over a pickle.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
I'm illegal.