Worst Jokes Ever
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Why do orphans have to get an iPhone 12?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?
Sharp! 🤣
"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"
Dude named Guys:
Dude named Out:
Dude named School:
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
A Story:
I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.
Sequel follows...
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
Why is an orphan crying about its family?
Because it can't "let it go."