Worst Jokes Ever

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

What did the twin tower say to the other?

"I need to catch this plane."

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

Helen Keller.

Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.

A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

Friend: Are you okay?

Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣