Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on earth and the earth cracked.
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
Orphans
The “F” in orphan stands for family.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"