Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

6 looks like someone facing up.

9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.

HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

Why was the piano waiting at the front door?

Because it forgot which key to use!