Worst Jokes Ever

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.

HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?

A slow swimmer...

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?

Because he has ALL of the booty!

What type of phones do orphans have?

IPhone XR—it has no home button.

Why couldn’t the kid play baseball? Because he couldn’t find home.

I went to the store and bought Minecraft Java Edition.

I found a village, burned it down, and then I went home and played Minecraft.

What happened when the man died? Yes.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!

How do you call a cute door?

A-door-able.

I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.