Worst Jokes Ever
What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?
Mentos.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
I troll under different usernames. I'm a bit all over the place mentally.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
*JMC*
ANOMALY-931
"Gwen"
Identification: just a stupid animal, with a big ass heart.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!
Run on a sandpaper floor-treadmill hybrid in a medium sized room for 24 hours. It will be fun!
Q: What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved! 🙃
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.