When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Worst Jokes Ever
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
