"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Worst Jokes Ever
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.
The British: We drive on the left side of the road.
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
