Worst Jokes Ever
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).
You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
Yo mom is so fat when she went to sit on the couch it said, "To be continued."
You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.
Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
"Piggy killed you with a bat because he is fat 0-0."
Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
What did the retard say when the water too deep?
"Deep deep."
Why did UK want Northern Ireland for more s***?
Orphan: Throws a boomerang.
Boomerang: Comes back with his father.
Father: Goes to get milk.
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."