Worst Jokes Ever

Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

What do you call a cannibal without any eyes? A cann-bal :)

Look at my name and you'll see.

Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology.

I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.

I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.

1. Full name: John.

2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

I got more followers than Charli, because I brought a bottle of filtered water and food through Africa.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Steven.

Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."

What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.

People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?

Because I burnt it down!

What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.

Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

When did Jesus die?

On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.