Worst Jokes Ever

One time there was a squirrel who died.

It was funny because the squirrel got dead.

What do you call a bitch? A dumbass, hahahahaha.

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

Man: "Not for long!"

And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

Woman: "Never."

And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

Man: "You look like a dream."

Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

And then the man orders flowers and candy.

Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

And the man shoots the bartender.

Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.

But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.

So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!

My name is Jeff.

Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.

What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?

Arsenal can win trophies and win games.

Never trust a Justin, he is made up of atoms that make up everything.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

My mum.

Lee Bryan

Why did the goat have an abortion?

Because she already had too many kids!

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?

The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.

Why did 1 eat 2?

'Cause he was hungry.

Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?

The American Siri.

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?

Killer Kool-Aid.

I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.

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