Worst Jokes Ever
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why did the person take crayons to the bedroom?
To draw the curtains.
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Beans, beans, beans. Say what? Say beans, beans, beans.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
You guys are cow-medians!
So funny!
Which Pokemon listens to Aha?
Takemeon.
What do you call Bill Tran?
Stupid noob.
Uranus is blue.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
qefawrbg
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
They never reached home.