Worst Jokes Ever
A long-haired child once took a bite of Chuck Norris's brain. He later became known as Albert Einstein.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!
What do feminists do when they fail at something?
Blame men for sexism and misogyny.
Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite porn site?
A: Motherless.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call a Censor with Autism?
A Censorspaz.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
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Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!