Worst Jokes Ever
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.