Worst Jokes Ever
Americans leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
Huggy's so fat, Playtime Co. had to make him a monument of fatness.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"