Worst Jokes Ever
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
One's a superhero, one's a command.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?
Because he couldn't breathe.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.