Worst Jokes Ever
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
My mum's a carrot.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
What is the most famous dish in Africa?
Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."