Worst Jokes Ever

Is Will Smith a blacksmith?

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What do you call a dick playing badminton?

A shuttlecock.

Never eat more than you can lift.

I got hit with a can of soda.

It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

What's Stephen Hawking’s favorite shampoo?

Head & Shoulders.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?

Have you ever tried to clean one?

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

How does a mathematician get tan?

sin/cos.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."