Worst Jokes Ever
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
What do you call Mexicans running down a hill?
Sandstorm.
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Meals on wheels.
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.