Worst Jokes Ever

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

Balls deep.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.