Worst Jokes Ever

What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?

Mashed potatoes.

What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.

I got hit by a bus.

But the bus was my ex.

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Because it's wheely wheely great!

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

There's only one gender. Women are property.

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

"and i oop"

Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because their feet smell!

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

I got a joke.

Allahu Akbar!

How is Stephen Hawking dead?

His Windows shit down.

Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!