Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?

Students: Yeah, yours.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?

"The whole pile of shits."

Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?

They always hang around.

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

Karen walks into McDonald's.

Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??

Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!

Lady at the counter: yes miss.

Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.

Lady at the counter: *sweats*

Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

Why can't an emo person be in charge of sky diving?

He won't deploy the parachute.

When does an emo get jealous at a phone?

When it dies.

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

Your mama is so slow, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.