Worst Jokes Ever

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?

"Full House".

Why can't orphans score in baseball?

They can't find home.

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?

A baseball player has a home to run to.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

One does not simply hand over a jar of dirt.

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.

Grass.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.