Worst Jokes Ever
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
Why do basketball players love cookies so much?
Because they can dunk them!
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
Butthole.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.