Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What is an orphan’s favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me!
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic