Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet all the koalifications!
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.