Worst Jokes Ever
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
No scope, bitch!
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?
A bone-étit.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
My friend told me an emo joke once, and I said, "Emo jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.