Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?
A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
What is the difference between Black people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!