Worst Jokes Ever
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.