Worst Jokes Ever
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.