Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What is Thanos's favorite video game?
Pokémon Snap.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call meat in an oven?
Africa.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.