Worst Jokes Ever
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
Your dad never needed a van for you.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.