Worst Jokes Ever

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

CURRY in a hurry.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

Go commit Thanos finger snap.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

Why does the nurse need a red pen?

In case she has to draw blood.

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.