Worst Jokes Ever
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
The "W" in African stands for water.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't ever find home.