Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Where do animal does Russian milk come from?

"Moscows".

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

Flat Earthers

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.