Worst Jokes Ever
you play gatcha life more like go get a life.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.