Worst Jokes Ever
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Hippity hoppity, Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.