Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)