Worst Jokes Ever
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
A. a PadaJuan.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.