Worst Jokes Ever
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.