Worst Jokes Ever
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Why is America so bad at Clash of Clans? Because we already lost two towers.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
Why can't Asians do word searches?
They can't see the words.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
What goes up but doesn't come down?